


don't go, please

by adoresterek



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 18:50:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adoresterek/pseuds/adoresterek
Summary: alex leaves.





	don't go, please

He knows he has to leave. He knows his father would never let him stay. He knows this is the end of everything. He knows it’s what he needs to do. He knows. He knows. He knows.

It doesn’t make leaving easier. 

It’s late but early and the silence is deafening. His mind is spinning, his throat feels tight and he wants to scream at his dad, at Michael, at anyone who will listen to him but words won’t come not when Michael is sat across from him, heartbroken and trying to pretend he isn’t. 

The grey, soft jumper Michael has on buries him and Alex can’t help but think how adorable he looks, and how much he wants to stay here with him forever where it’s safe and warm. 

Michael hasn’t looked at him in what feels like forever but he knows it’s only been a couple of minutes. “I’m sorry,” is all he manages to say knowing they're two empty words; it’s so meaningless and it won’t change the hurt they both feel. 

Another minute passes. Alex takes a sip of his now lukewarm beer, defeated and frustrated. 

It’ll be morning soon. 

He puts his beer down and goes to sit next to Michael, leg touching his, and takes his hand. Their fingers intertwin so easily, so naturally. They fit. Michael still doesn’t look at him and Alex’s heart aches. They sit like that for a few minutes, the silence screaming at them. They’re stuck. They’re lost. They feel it all. The darkness is heavy and suffocating. 

Alex can’t help but squeeze Michael’s hand so tightly, like his life depends on it. When he lets go, it’s over, so he wants to hold on forever. He’s scared of leaving, scared of his feelings for Michael, scared of never finding this again, scared of never seeing Michael again. He’s terrified. He wants Michael to speak, to say something, anything. Nothing will make this easier, though, he knows that and yet he thinks if Michael just says how he feels at least they’ll have that. 

“Say something.” He begs. 

Sad hazel eyes finally, finally, look at him. He looks as defeated as Alex feels and his heart aches again. Goodbyes are never easier. 

Michael still doesn’t speak and Alex wants to scream at him, shake him, ask him to pour his heart out. It’s selfish. He wants Michael to tell him he loves him right before he has to leave. He needs it. He knows he won’t get it. 

“Don’t go.” Michael’s voice is barely above a whisper. Alex has never seen him so vulnerable, never heard his voice to quiet and broken. He breaks. There are no tears in Michael’s eyes but there are in Alex’s. 

“Please.” He’s desperate now, begging, pleading. He won’t say he loves him but he’ll ask him to stay and Alex wants that to be enough, needs it to be, but is it?

It’s Alex’s turn to stay silent; his chest is tight; his eyes burn and tears do fall now. All he can do is what he knows. So he kisses Michael. He kisses him like he knows it will be the last time he gets to do this. Nobody ever knows when their last kiss with someone will be but they do. This is it. This is their last. 

He remembers all their firsts. The day Michael first kissed him, he was so nervous, they both were. Alex melted the second Michael’s lips touched his and everything fell into place. He’d finally won and now he was losing. He was losing his first, he was losing a love he knew, in another universe, would withstand so much more than this. He would walk away, he wouldn’t fight for this even though every fibre of his being was screaming at him to fight for him, for them, for Michael.

As they pull apart, his breath is shaky and he can't bring himself to open his eyes but it doesn't matter because Michael kisses him again, and again, and again.

The night ends with them in bed, their last time in bed, their last time touching, their last time being together. Michael would probably have firsts with other people, so would Alex, but this was it for them and it felt like the end of the world. It wasn’t but Alex felt like it was. 

But they didn’t get a final goodbye. Michael had fallen asleep, he looked peaceful and Alex didn’t want to ruin that, so he didn’t wake him to say goodbye. He just left. He was selfish and in love. He was young and scared. He had responsibilities. He was broken. 

Michael had woken up alone that morning, when the sun came out, and he continued to wake up alone for the next ten years. Alex’s name doesn't leave his lips for ten years but his mind, his mind spends ten years thinking about the man that had left him alone, the man who hadn’t stayed, even after he had begged him to. He spends ten years wishing the man who left him alone would return.


End file.
